Pizza
by kyoiku kanji
Summary: Jensen has comendeered the kitchen for computer usage and the team has to resort to delivery for food.  - Serious spew warning  and a serious language warning for F*BOMBs.


**A/N - I have been advised that this story must come with a spew warning. So.. put down your drinks and dinner (or conversely put on you keyoard/screen protectors)**

**This one has a lot of bad languange in it so be forwarned... F-bombs abound.**

**Standard disclaimer still applies. The Losers belong to their creator, and the forces of WB, DarkHorse, DC. This is a work of fan fiction and as such makes no claimes of ownership and no money has been made in the telling of this tale. **

**Reviews are appreciated**

* * *

><p>Jensen's research was not going well. The others had retreated from the room to avoid some of the more colorful Jensen-isms, but now something had ticked him off and he was talking to whatever code he was up against: not so much talking as ranting.<p>

It had been a long time since anything challenged him to the point of raising his voice let alone yelling.

It had started out normally enough. He'd walked into the kitchen, placed his computer on the table like an explorer staking a flag in freshly claimed territory. Then he'd begun to 'get comfortable,' which was enough to make Aisha roll her eyes, grab her plate and head into the living room.

Pooch and Cougar lasted another three minutes after Jensen stripped down to his boxers before they stood and opted to lean against the counter- he was getting serious with whatever he was working on and they knew better than to be too close.

Then the insults started. Pooch was the first to leave after that, then Clay. Cougar stayed around a little longer before finally deciding that a strategic withdrawal was the best option.

Now, an hour later, the team was looking at Clay.

"What?"

"You have to do something."

"I am, I'm staying out of his way."

"Clay, it's almost lunch time," Pooch reminded him.

Clay thought about this for a minute then picked up the phone. "Delivery?"

Aisha rolled her eyes. "Fine, but no mushrooms," she said, then turned on Cougar. "And no anchovies."

As he watched Aisha stride off towards the bedrooms he shook his head. The word 'Volatile' crossed his mind and made him smile.

With a sigh he began dialing. "Hello, you've reached Eddie's Pizza," the voice on the other end announced. "For your convenience and the accuracy of ordering we are now accepting orders online. Get your pizza, just the way you want it... click"

Clay paused, looked at the phone and sighed. A second try yielded the same results. With a frown he pulled up one of the secondary computers and went online, hoping this wouldn't take too much of Jensen's bandwidth.

As he logged into the system and began ordering they heard an indignant string of explicatives from the kitchen.

_"Resource Overrun? What the fucking hell does that mean? If you're going to place limits like that you should tell me up front you worthless whore. It's like promising around the world and stopping in Newark!"_

The boys all exchanged looks at the latest outburst and were glad Aisha wasn't there.

"Okay then," Clay began. "Let's see... Pan, hand tossed or thin crust?"

Pooch was about to request thin crust when there was another outburst from the kitchen.

_-J-_

_"Of all the... My 9 year old niece could write better code than this crap... and she's a nine year old for Crap's sake. Come on people. Obfuscation is Jr. League at best. All it does is annoy the user and... what the hell? No-no-no.. you did not just do that.. really, tell me my code isn't strong enough? This from something that doesn't even use SSL? I don't think so..."_

_-J-_

"Uhm... maybe we should go for hand tossed?"

Clay nodded. "So... specialty or roll your own?"

"Meat Lover's," Cougar suggested.

"Hold the Anchovies..." Pooch reminded him.

Clay let his breath out and rolled his eyes as he entered in the requirements. "Next?"

"We probably should get one just for Jensen..."

__-J-__

_"How the fucking hell... No, I can't believe this. This is so... of all the Craptastic methods out there you have to opt for no surrender, no retreat... the first rule of coding is to leave a nice graceful exit and you're here deadlocking the system because I'm going off script?_

_"Amateurs!"_

_-J-_

Clay spared a glance towards the kitchen. "Vegetarian?"

Cougar nodded. "With Bacon..."

"Okay.. one more?"

__-J-__

_"I don't want to upgrade... I want you to fucking give me the fucking fuck I fucking ask for..."_

_-J-_

"Uh-oh," Clay sighed. "F-factor approaching zero.

"This cannot be good," Cougar agreed.

"I'm thinking deep dish on the last one..." Pooch suggested, pretending world war three wasn't about to break out in the kitchen.

"Deep dish," Clay agreed.

As they finished up the order and reviewed it, they gave a wary glance towards the kitchen. It was quiet in there... too quiet.

__-J-__

_"Of all the stupid, insipid, fish-faced-moronic... FUCK!... how can people get away with writing code this badly? Where are the fall backs? Where are the error message intercepts? Error in [MSSQL][Microsoft] Parameter name unknown? Character overflow? Incorrect date-time conversion? _

_"It's a fucking pizza!_

_"Know what.. I got your pizza right here!"_

_-J-_

Everyone in the living room froze, turned as one and stared at the kitchen.

After several minutes Clay sighed and turned back to the others.

"Chinese?"

The end


End file.
